I am looking for some advice....

OK... So here is the deal, my sweet little angel man has now left the easy breezy twos and entered into the terrible horrible no good VERY bad threes (a little early). Today I promised to take him to the library for story time. We started out great... he played well with the other kids and was happy to be there. During story time he freaked out and didn't want to sit and listen I told him we could go ahead and leave if he was done listening... he said he didn't want to go, but then proceeded to pinch me and push back on me with his large head. Finally I couldn't hold him any longer and so we got up and left. I checked out the books and he screamed NO at me the whole time and I was mortified to have all these people watching, the only comfort came from knowing that maybe one of these ladies could sympathize with me. As we walked from the library he cried and yelled at me. In the van he swatted at me... up until then I had kept my cool and had talked to him quietly. After he swatted at me I lost it... I smacked his hand... then he yelled at me and I smacked his mouth.... I felt bad and I shouldn't have done it. We picked Tyler up from work and TJ proceeded to take a power nap on the way home. I couldn't get him to take a real nap. So around 3:30 I asked him to pick up his cars and put them away... He proceeded to ignore me and play. I gave him three warnings. The consequence was to lose his cars for the rest of the week. So I took them from him and he screamed and tried to "spank my bum". I kept my cool this time and asked him to sit in on the time out mat until Tyler got home. When Tyler got home, TJ told on himself and so I just let him tell his dad what he did wrong... he knew. Tyler took him in the bathroom and talked to him and then told him he was going to get a "bare bum" spanking and that TJ should take his "lickin's". He spanked him and TJ came out and apologized to me. I know this is a phase and I know it will end.... but right now I am frustrated... I will take any advice from friends or family so poll your friends or give me some of your own age old wisdom.

Love ya

Maria